my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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