Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
