I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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