cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
