I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
