she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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