I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
