We named our party play list daddy issues
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize