stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
tell me about the eggs
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
