New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
