I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Bring me that man meat
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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