Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
