I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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