Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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