I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
