Don't make out with my wife yet
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
