you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
