It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
