He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
