How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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