look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
