Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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