i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
