so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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