Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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