You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
