You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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