dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
