I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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