Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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