im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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