What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
