we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
