Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My ass is underappreciated
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
