One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
