I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Vodka?
Forever.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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