a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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