He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
