im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
