I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
