I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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