i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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