I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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