"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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