You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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