how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
