she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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