The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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