even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
