There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
