She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
