she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
