so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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