He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
