Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
