i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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